Human Sexuality

Chapter 11

Adult Sexual Development

From the first hookup to the first anniversary to the fiftieth, how does sex change as we move through adult life?

Sexuality does not stand still once we grow up. The way we date, partner, and have sex keeps shifting across the whole span of adult life. A twenty-year-old swiping through a dating app, a couple settling into their third year of marriage, and a seventy-five-year-old starting a new relationship are all doing "adult sexuality," yet each faces a different set of choices and challenges.

It is worth saying at the outset that there is no single "normal" path through adult sexuality. Some people marry once and stay married for life; others never marry; others divorce and remarry, move through a series of committed partnerships, or build rich lives centered on friendship and community rather than a romantic partner. The patterns we describe in this chapter are averages and common tendencies, not rules or ideals. Understanding them can help you make sense of your own experiences, whatever shape those take.

11.1 Sexuality in Young Adulthood

Late adolescence and the twenties are often imagined as the peak years of sexual activity — a stretch of freedom before the responsibilities of life have settled in. Psychologists have a name for this period. Emerging adulthoodi is the developmental stage from roughly the late teens through the mid-twenties, when many people in industrialized countries are no longer adolescents but have not yet taken on the full roles of adult life, such as a stable career, marriage, or children (Arnett, 2000). It is a time of exploration, and for many that includes exploring their sexuality.

And yet the headline finding of recent years runs against what most people think about young people: young adults today are having less sex than ever before.

Graph illustrating the rising share of young adults reporting no sexual activity in the past year. — **Figure 11.1.** The "sex recession" is driven less by changing attitudes about sex than by changes in the ordinary conditions of young-adult life — fewer relationships, less alcohol, more time at home, and tighter finances.

The Sex Recession

The numbers are striking. Among high school students in the United States, the share who report ever having had sex fell from 54 percent in the early 1990s to 37 percent in 2024 (CDC, 2020; General Social Survey, 2025). That means newly graduating high school students are 30% less likely to have ever had sex, compared to just one generation before. The trend continues well into adulthood. People now in their twenties are roughly 2.5 times as likely to be sexually abstinent as young adults were a generation earlier. About 15% report having had no sexual partner at all since they became adults (Julian, 2018). Sexual declines are especially steep among young men. From 2000 to 2018, the percentage of young men who haven't had sex in the past year rose from 19% to 31%.

Line graph showing the share of U.S. high school students who have ever had sex declining from the early 1990s to 2024. — **Figure 11.2.** The share of U.S. high school students who report ever having had sex has fallen sharply since the early 1990s — one of the clearest signs of the so-called "sex recession."

When young people are having sex, they're doing it less often. Americans had sex about 9 fewer times per year in the early 2010s than in the late 1990s, and the latest data shows this downward trend hasn't stopped (Twenge, Sherman, & Wells, 2017). It would seem that even couples have found better things to do with their time than have sex. Commentators have called the pattern a "sex recession."

Why would this be happening? Researchers have tested a number of explanations, and the interesting answer is that no single cause explains it; rather, it's a culmination of many interacting factors. One careful analysis found that the decline in young adults having sex is mostly explained by (Lei & South, 2021):

Fewer young people are in romantic relationships than at any point in the past 100 years.
Young people are drinking less alcohol, which has had the largest impact in reducing sexual encounters for women.
Young men are spending more time playing video games. Yes, that's right, playing video games is directly related to having less sex for men.
Young adults are more likely to live with their parents, putting a damper on their sex lives.
Young men make less money than past generations, creating financial pressures that discourage them from dating and starting families.

I've listed these factors by the amount they've impacted young people's sex lives, with the first factor being the most impactful. Declines in romantic relationships are believed to account for about a third of the drop in sex among young people.

Notice how many of these are not about sex at all. They are about the ordinary conditions that used to bring young people into contact with one another — a night out, a shared apartment, a paycheck that buys dinner for two. When those conditions thin out, so do opportunities for sex. A newer wrinkle is technology that substitutes human contact directly. A 2025 survey found that nearly 1 in 5 U.S. adults reported having chatted with an artificial intelligence system designed to act like a romantic partner, a figure that rose to roughly 1 in 3 among young men (Wheatley Institute, 2025).

Is the sex recession a problem? Opinions differ. Less casual sex among young people means fewer unintended pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections, which is clearly a good thing. But some researchers worry that less sexual and romantic connection during these formative years could have lasting negative impacts on this generation's happiness and health. The trend is probably best understood as a signal of how profoundly the social world has changed for young people in a single generation.

Casual Sex and Hooking Up

Even with the overall decline, casual sex remains a familiar part of young-adult life. Hooking upi refers to a sexual encounter between people who are not in a romantic relationship (Paul, McManus, & Hayes, 2000). Hookups are common on college campuses. In one widely cited review, around 60% of college students reported having hooked up at least once (Garcia et al., 2012).

Chart showing how well college students knew their partner before a hookup. — **Figure 11.3.** Hookups vary widely in context — from near-strangers to longtime acquaintances — which is part of why their emotional aftermath differs so much from person to person (Tracy & Berntson, 2016).

How do people feel after hooking up? The honest answer depends mostly on why they did it. Research consistently finds that hookups motivated by what psychologists call autonomous reasons — curiosity, genuine desire, a wish to explore — tend to leave people feeling good with their choices. Hookups driven by non-autonomous reasons — pressure from friends, a hope that casual sex will turn into a relationship, or the effects of alcohol — are more likely to be followed by lowered self-esteem, anxiety, and regret (Vrangalova, 2015). Casual sex, on average, is associated with a modest dip in well-being, but that average hides a lot of variation between people who wanted the experience and people who felt pressured into it (Bersamin et al., 2014).

Alcohol deserves special mention, because it sits at the center of much hookup culture and often complicates consent. In one survey, about 30 percent of students who hooked up while drinking said they would not have done so sober (LaBrie et al., 2014). And hookups are the setting for a disproportionate amount of coerced sex. One study found that the large majority of coerced sexual encounters among college students happened during hookups (Flack et al., 2007). This can include feeling pressured to have sex or being forced to.

Chart relating alcohol use to the type of sexual partner among college students. — **Figure 11.4.** Alcohol is closely tied to casual sex: drinking is far more common before sex with a new or casual partner than before sex with a committed partner (Walsh et al., 2013).

Across the board, casual sex tends to be less satisfying for women than sex in a committed relationship. One well-documented finding is that women are far less likely to reach orgasm in a hookup than men are, while that orgasm gapi shrinks considerably when sex happens in a committed relationship (Armstrong et al., 2012). None of this makes casual sex inherently harmful. It does suggest that the context of sex — who you are with, why, and how well you communicate — shapes the experience at least as much as the act itself.

Multiple Choice

Jordan, a college sophomore, hooks up with someone at a party mainly because friends kept teasing that Jordan was "the only one who never does," and after several drinks it seemed easier to go along. Based on the research on casual sex, which outcome is most likely?

AJordan will feel a clear boost in self-esteem, since hooking up is generally good for confidence

BJordan is at higher risk of regret and lowered mood, because the motivation was non-autonomous

CThe alcohol will guarantee a more satisfying experience for both people

DJordan's feelings afterward are essentially random and unrelated to why the hookup happened

Friends-with-Benefits

Between the one-time hookup and the committed relationship sits a middle option: friends-with-benefitsi (FWB). Such arrangements tend to be ongoing sexual relationships between friends who agree, at least on the surface, to keep it that way (Hughes, Morrison, & Asada, 2005). These arrangements are common, with around 40% of women and 50% of men reporting having a FWB at some point (Bisson & Levine, 2009; Olmstead et al., 2026). They tend to come with unspoken rules, the two most common being not to fall in love and not to tell too many mutual friends.

The trouble is that the two people often want different things from the arrangement. In a survey of adults currently in a FWB relationship, most women said they wanted the situation to change — either to become a full romantic relationship or to return to a friendship without sex — while most men said they wanted things to stay exactly as they were. Only about a third of the women reported being satisfied with the arrangement as it stood, roughly half the rate of the men (Lehmiller, VanderDrift, & Kelly, 2011).

Chart showing the one-year outcomes of friends-with-benefits relationships. — **Figure 11.5.** One year after a friends-with-benefits relationship begins, about half of couples remain friends, roughly 15% become a romantic couple, and about a third are no longer friends (Lehmiller et al., 2011).

Researchers followed FWB couples over time and found that, over the course of 1 year, about half remained friends, 15% formed a romantic relationship, and about a third fell out of friendship entirely (Lehmiller, VanderDrift, & Kelly, 2011). This is encouraging news for people who may worry that FWB arrangements ruin friendships. In a majority of cases, entering into a FWB relationship didn't harm the core relationship that couples started out with. However, if you enter into a FWB arrangement with the expectations of it turning romantic, you're likely to be disappointed (see also Owen & Fincham, 2012).

Dating in a Digital World

For today's young adults, meeting a partner increasingly means opening an app. For better or worse, dating apps have become the dominant platform that young people use to date and find new sexual partners (Vogels, 2020). The experience is decidedly mixed. Many users describe dating apps as frustrating and say the process leaves them feeling less confident rather than more.

Graph showing the rising share of couples who met online over recent decades. — **Figure 11.6.** Meeting online has gone from rare to routine. For heterosexual couples, the internet is now the single most common way partners meet, and the share continues to climb.

Because app users are evaluated based mostly on a handful of photos, the experience amplifies social comparison and self-objectification. Users effectively learn to view themselves and others as "rateable" ("Am I a 7 or a 3?") and easily replaceable. Systematic reviews have found that using dating apps is linked with less satisfaction with one's body and lower self-esteem (Bowman et al., 2025; Holtzhausen et al., 2020; Lo Coco et al., 2026). The constant possibility of rejection is a defining feature of using these apps. A majority of users report fatigue with using dating apps over time, often giving up on the experience within a few years (Sharabi, Von Feldt, & Ha, 2026).

Harassment is another serious downside. Among young women who use dating apps, nearly half report having been sent sexually explicit images (e.g., "dick pics") or sexually explicit messages they did not ask for (Vogels, 2020). About 1 in 3 report being called an offensive name, and around 13% report being physically threatened by someone they encountered on a platform. These are not rare glitches in the system; they are common enough to shape how many women approach online dating in the first place.

Pew Research chart showing men more likely to feel insecure about too few messages and women more likely to feel overwhelmed. — **Figure 11.7.** Men and women tend to have mirror-image frustrations with dating apps: men more often feel insecure about receiving too few messages, while women more often feel overwhelmed by the volume they receive (Vogels, 2020).

Most men find the experience of using dating apps disappointing at best. Several analyses have found that the vast majority of men get virtually no messages or reciprocal attention on dating apps, with a small majority of men getting the vast majority of attention. By some estimates, the top 20% of men get 80% of attention (Bruch & Newman, 2018). Pew Research Center found that among recent online-dating users, 64% of men reported feeling insecure because of the lack of messages they received (versus about 40% of women), while the pattern reversed for feeling overwhelmed by messages (54% of women vs. ~25% of men) (Vogels, 2020).

It's not all bad news for dating apps, though. For many LGBT+ people, dating apps have greatly expanded their opportunities for sex and romantic relationships (Rosenfeld et al., 2019). LGBT+ people are about twice as likely to use dating apps, compared to heterosexual and cisgender people (Byron et al., 2021). LGBT+ people often face stigma and extra stressors that complicate traditional, face-to-face courtship. Platforms provide a lower-stakes environment to safely filter for compatible partners without fear of hostility (Cargnino & Lemke, 2023). Furthermore, digital matchmaking leads to long-term success for many LGBT+ people, with about 30% of partnered LGBT+ adults reporting they met their current significant other online (Brown, 2020).

Multiple Choice

A friend says, "Dating apps are amazing — everyone's on them and everyone loves them." Which statement best reflects what the evidence shows?

AMost users report overwhelmingly positive experiences with little downside

BApps are widely used, but many users report frustration, and women in particular face high rates of harassment

CAlmost no young adults use dating apps anymore

DDating apps have eliminated the differences in how men and women experience online dating

11.2 Coupling, Cohabitation, and Marriage

Eventually many people move from casual or short-term connections toward something more lasting. But the path into committed partnership looks different than it did for earlier generations. People are marrying later, marrying less, and increasingly living together outside of marriage.

Marrying Later, and Marrying Less

Marriage in the United States has been getting later and less universal for decades. The overall marriage rate for adults has drifted down to around half of the adult population, an eight-point drop since 1990 (Geiger & Livingston, 2020). More people are also skipping marriage entirely. By 2018, a record 35 percent of American adults had never been married, compared with just 9 percent in 1970 (Wang, 2020).

Why the delay? Many want to finish their education and get established in a career first. Many do not feel financially ready. And the social pressure to marry young has eased, so that staying single into one's late twenties or thirties no longer carries the stigma it once did. In earlier eras, marriage was often the entry point into adult independence. Today, many young people treat their twenties as a time to establish that independence before marrying.

Multiple Choice

A demographer observes that Americans today marry later and less often than they did in 1970. Which explanation best fits the research?

AYoung adults value marriage less and see no benefits in it whatsoever

BMany young adults want to finish their education and reach financial stability first, and the social pressure to marry young has eased

CMarriage rates have risen sharply since 1970

DThe trend is caused entirely by a decline in romantic love

Living Together First

Given fewer people are getting married, more are choosing to live together outside of marriage. Cohabitationi — an unmarried couple sharing a household — has become a normal step rather than a scandalous one. Today most couples live together before marriage, with roughly 60% cohabiting (Horowitz, Graf, & Livingston, 2019). When people are asked why they moved in together, the reasons are practical and emotional: to save money and share expenses, to spend more time together, to get to know their partner better, and, for some, to test whether or not they should get married (Blasutto, 2020).

Graph showing the rising rate of unmarried couples cohabiting over recent decades. — **Figure 11.8.** Once rare and stigmatized, living together before marriage has become the norm: most couples now cohabit at some point, and the share has climbed steadily for decades.

Is it a good idea to cohabit before marriage? For many, it seems like a logical preceding step before tying the knot. But, research shows that cohabiting for reasons of convenience or finances can make couples more at risk for divorce if they do get married (Copen, Daniels, & Mosher, 2012). Cohabitation is especially risky when couples move in together very young. Cohabitation makes it more likely that couples will "slide into" marriage; not because they truly want to be married, but because it's the expected next step after cohabitation.

A young couple moving into a shared home together. — **Figure 11.9.** Moving in together is often something couples slide into gradually rather than decide deliberately — a distinction that turns out to matter for how the relationship fares.

Researchers who study this have a useful phrase for the underlying issue: sliding versus decidingi. Moving in together is often something couples slide into gradually — a toothbrush left behind, then a drawer, then a shared lease — rather than a deliberate decision about the future. Once a couple has merged their finances, furniture, and daily routines, the sheer inconvenience of separating can carry them forward into marriage with a partner they might otherwise have left, a momentum researchers call inertia (Stanley, Rhoades, & Markman, 2006). Making the decision to live with a romantic partner is (and should be) a big decision that requires much deliberation. It's not just something to drift into.

Multiple Choice

A student argues, "Everyone knows couples who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced." Based on the research, what is the best response?

AThat is correct; cohabitation directly causes higher divorce rates

BIt depends on the reason why a couple chooses to live together

CCohabiting couples never divorce

DThere is no research on cohabitation and divorce

11.3 Sex in Long-Term Relationships

In the early days of a relationship, desire often feels effortless and constant. Years later, the same couple who could not keep their hands off each other may find that sex has become infrequent, or has to be scheduled around work and childcare duties. This is not a sign that something has gone wrong. It is one of the most predictable patterns in all of relationship science.

The Honeymoon and What Comes After

Graph showing marital satisfaction peaking early and then declining over the first years of marriage.

Marriage often begins with a burst of happiness. In the months right after the wedding, couples tend to report unusually high satisfaction, buoyed by novelty and optimism. But study after study following couples over time finds that this glow fades. Elevated satisfaction typically begins to taper within the first 6–12 months. By around the second year, most couples have settled back toward a more ordinary baseline or begun a slow decline (Kurdek, 1998; Huston et al., 2001). This happens to virtually all couples, and knowing that can help prevent disappointment after marriage.

Sexual frequency tends to be highest in the first year of a relationship. After that, it's natural for sexual frequency to decline, often with a noticeable drop somewhere 5–10 years in (Call, Sprecher, & Schwartz, 1995). The good news, which is easy to miss, is that some couples do sustain strong desire and even intense love over the long haul. Long-term passionate love is not a myth, but it takes effort, communication and setting accurate expectations (O'Leary et al., 2012).

Chart of sexual frequency by age and marital status. — **Figure 11.10.** Sexual frequency tends to be highest early in a relationship and declines gradually with age and relationship length — a normal pattern rather than a warning sign.

Sexual Habituation

A couple sitting apart on a couch, appearing bored and disconnected. — **Figure 11.11.** Sexual habituation is the fading of arousal that comes from repeated exposure to the same partner.

Why does desire tend to cool with a familiar partner? A large part of the answer is a basic feature of how brains and bodies respond to repeated experiences. Sexual habituationi is the gradual weakening of sexual arousal and interest that comes from repeated exposure to the same partner over time. It is not about a partner becoming less attractive in any objective sense; it is about novelty wearing off.

This effect is not unique to humans. In fact, it shows up across most of the animal kingdom. The Coolidge effecti is the tendency for sexual interest to be renewed when a new partner is introduced. This was first discovered in rats. When scientists paired male and female rats together to mate, they noticed that the males tended to have lots of sex with their assigned female for the first few days, but then seemed to lose interest. Once the male was placed in a cage with a new female, their sexual vigor instantly returned.

Fun Fact: How the Coolidge Effect Got Its Name. The name of the Coolidge effect comes from a story about U.S. President Calvin Coolidge and his wife. When touring a poultry farm, Mrs. Coolidge was impressed by the sexual vigor of the roosters and asked their tour guide how often they mated. The guide told her they had sex many times a day, sometimes up to a dozen times. She nudged her husband and said to him, "Well, perhaps you could learn a thing or two." President Coolidge then turned to the guide and asked, "Does a rooster always have sex with the same hen?" The tour guide replied, "Of course not, they have sex with many different hens every day." President Coolidge slyly replied, "Please tell that to Mrs. Coolidge" (Hatfield & Walster, 1978).

Graph showing male rats' renewed mating activity when a new female is introduced. — **Figure 11.12.** The Coolidge effect in rats: a male's mating activity drops as he habituates to one female, then spikes again the moment a new female is introduced.

Human beings show their own version of this. In one study, heterosexual men who repeatedly viewed images of the same women rated those women as progressively less attractive over time (Sculley & Watkins, 2022). This corresponded with less brain activity in areas related to sexual arousal. Reviews of the research on partner novelty find that new partners reliably heighten arousal in a way that familiar ones do not. Brain-imaging work links repeated exposure to a partner with reduced activity in the brain's reward and pleasure circuits (Morton & Gorzalka, 2015).

Most relationships in modern Western culture are built on monogamyi, being sexually and romantically partnered with only one person at a time. But because arousal fades with familiarity, some people fall into a pattern of serial monogamyi: one exclusive partner, then another, then another over the course of a lifetime. When sexual excitement toward one partner cools, they seek the renewed spark of a new relationship.

A pair of birds together during mating season. — **Figure 11.13.** Many bird species pair-bond to raise vulnerable young, but re-pair with a new partner each breeding season — a form of serial monogamy that parallels a common human pattern (Wright, 1994).

This matches well with patterns of serial monogamy found in many species, particularly birds (Wright, 1994). Like humans, birds must raise extremely vulnerable young, which causes them to pair bond. But, these pair bonds run their course through a mating season and then are replaced with a new partner each year. It's likely that human ideals of monogamy gained traction around 10,000 years ago, primarily as a way for men to guarantee that they were raising their own children (de la Croix & Mariani, 2015; Schacht & Bell, 2016). This is backed by genetic analyses that suggest humans were likely polyamorous prior to about 10,000 years ago (Le Page & Bhattacharya, 2023). Most evolutionary psychologists agree that humans did not evolve to be monogamous (Schacht & Kramer, 2019). Monogamy is a cultural concept, not a biological drive.

Multiple Choice

A couple in their eighth year of marriage worries that sex has become routine and less exciting than it used to be. Based on the research in this section, which explanation and suggestion fit best?

ATheir situation is abnormal and signals a failing relationship; they should expect it to end

BThis reflects sexual habituation, a normal fading of novelty; deliberately introducing new experiences and time apart can help rekindle desire

CNothing can be done, since desire is fixed and cannot change once it fades

DThe only solution is to find new partners, since familiarity permanently kills arousal

Keeping Desire Alive

If habituation is natural, is fading desire inevitable? Not entirely. Research on couples who maintain a satisfying sex life over many years points to a few recurring themes. A common thread is novelty and a sense of the partner as somewhat separate and mysterious rather than fully known. The therapist Esther Perel has argued that eroticism thrives on a degree of distance, uncertainty, and imagination (Perel, 2006). Couples who keep passion alive often protect that spark deliberately. They try new activities together, spend time apart so that reunion carries excitement, and continue to see each other as objects of desire rather than dependable partners or co-parents. Consistent with this, one study found that couples who engaged in new, adventurous activities together at least a few times a year reported higher desire and more satisfying sex (Muise et al., 2019). Large surveys of couples with especially satisfying sex lives find they tend to prioritize sex, talk a lot about sex and their desire for each other, and continue to incorporate novelty and variety in their sex lives (Northrup, Schwartz, & Witte, 2013).

A married couple enjoying a date night together. — **Figure 11.14.** Couples who sustain desire over the long haul tend to protect it deliberately — prioritizing time together, trying new experiences, and continuing to see each other as objects of desire.

It also helps to adjust expectations about how desire itself works over the long haul. Early in a relationship, desire is often spontaneous and insistent. Later on, many people find their desire becomes more responsive, meaning it tends to show up after physical intimacy is already underway. Couples who understand this stop waiting to be struck by spontaneous lust and instead make room for closeness. They may set aside time to give each other a massage, a lingering kiss, a "date night." Arousal often follows. What looks like lost desire is sometimes just desire that now needs an invitation.

A side-by-side comparison of idealized relationship expectations versus everyday reality. — **Figure 11.15.** Much of the disappointment couples feel comes from comparing ordinary long-term intimacy against the intense, effortless passion of a relationship's early days — an unfair and unrealistic yardstick.

A related and very common challenge is not the loss of desire but a mismatch in it, sometimes called desire discrepancy. It is normal for two partners to want sex at different frequencies, and in most couples one person tends to consistently want it more often than the other. The trouble usually comes less from the difference itself than from how partners interpret it. The higher-desire partner may feel rejected, while the lower-desire partner may feel pressured or guilty for not wanting it more. Couples who navigate this well treat it as an ordinary difference to be worked out with warmth and compromise, rather than as a verdict on whether they still love each other.

When Children Arrive

Few events reshape a couple's sexual and romantic life as sharply as having children. On average, marital and sexual satisfaction dips after a couple has a baby. A well-known review of many studies found that parents report lower marital satisfaction than non-parents, and that satisfaction tends to fall further with each additional child (Twenge, Campbell, & Foster, 2003). Sexual frequency drops as well, often more than at any other point in a relationship.

Two exhausted new parents lying awake in bed, too tired for intimacy. — **Figure 11.16.** New parents are exhausted, short on time and privacy, and stretched thin — which is why sexual frequency often drops more after a baby arrives than at any other point in a relationship.

The reasons are not mysterious. New parents are exhausted, short on time and privacy, and stretched by a heavy new workload. In different-sex couples, mothers still tend to shoulder more of the childcare and housework than fathers, a mismatch that can strain both the relationship and the couple's sex life. Research finds that same-sex couples who on average divide labor more evenly tend to be happier and more sexually satisfied (Smith et al., 2026). The strain of being parents is especially harsh in the United States, which remains one of the few wealthy countries in the world to not offer paid parental leave or subsidized childcare (Tramontano, 2025). In fact, 96% of the world's nations now offer some form of work relief for new parents, with the U.S. being notably absent from this list (WORLD Policy Analysis Center, 2023).

World map showing which countries offer paid parental leave, highlighting the United States as one of the few that do not. — **Figure 11.17.** Nearly every country in the world guarantees some form of paid leave for new parents. The United States is a conspicuous exception, which adds financial and time pressure to an already stressful transition.

It would be easy to read all this as a simple case against having children, but the research shows that it's more of a trade-off. When people are asked to rate their moment-to-moment happiness during daily activities, time spent caring for children often ranks surprisingly low, below activities like socializing or even exercising (Kahneman et al., 2004). Yet having children also tends to give people a strong sense of meaning, which is not the same thing as moment-to-moment pleasure. Studies distinguishing a happy life from a meaningful one find that raising children can lower the former while raising the latter (Baumeister et al., 2013). This helps explain a genuine paradox: many parents report that children made their days harder and their lives richer at the same time. Notably, roughly 1 in 5 U.S. adults say they do not want children at all, a choice that is becoming more common over recent years (Neal & Neal, 2021).

Multiple Choice

New parents Priya and Sam find they are having far less sex and feel more irritable with each other than before their baby arrived. Which interpretation is best supported by the research?

AThis is an unusual reaction that suggests they were poorly matched to begin with

BA decline in sexual frequency and marital satisfaction after a baby is common, and an unequal division of childcare and housework tends to make it worse

CHaving children reliably increases both sexual frequency and marital satisfaction

DTheir feelings prove that having children was a mistake they will always regret

11.4 Divorce and Remarriage

Not every marriage lasts, and the ways marriages end, and what happens afterward, are their own important part of adult sexual life.

How Common Is Divorce?

A familiar claim holds that half of all marriages end in divorce. The real figure is somewhat lower and has been changing over the last few decades. It's estimated that roughly 40% of first marriages in the United States end in divorce (Kennedy & Ruggles, 2014). Divorce rates have been falling since they peaked around 1980. Part of the reason for the decline circles back to earlier sections: Fewer people are marrying, and those who do marry are doing so later, when they are more educated and financially stable, both of which make divorce less likely.

Graph showing U.S. divorce rates rising to a peak around 1980 and then declining. — **Figure 11.18.** Contrary to the popular belief that divorce keeps climbing, U.S. divorce rates peaked around 1980 and have been falling since — partly because people now marry later and less often.

When divorced people are asked why their marriages ended, the most common reasons are relational rather than anything dramatic. Falling out of love or growing apart, ongoing conflict, and sexual incompatibility top the list (Scott et al., 2013). Infidelity is also a frequent factor. Infidelityi, sometimes called extramarital sex, is sexual or romantic involvement with someone other than one's spouse or committed partner. Nationally representative data suggest that over a lifetime, roughly 20% of married men and 13% of married women report having had sex with someone other than their spouse (Wang, 2018). When infidelity is discovered in relationships, it leads to divorce about 30% of the time (Allen & Atkins, 2012). It may surprise people to learn that 70% of marriages that experience infidelity find a way to maintain their marriage.

Chart showing the gender gap in reported infidelity across age groups. — **Figure 11.19.** Men report infidelity at higher rates than women overall, though the size of that gender gap varies considerably by age group (Wang, 2018).

Multiple Choice

When divorced people are surveyed about why their marriage ended, which set of reasons tends to be reported most often?

ASudden, dramatic events such as a single explosive argument

BGrowing apart or falling out of love, ongoing conflict, and sexual incompatibility

CDisagreements about which shows to watch together

DA disagreement about money, and essentially nothing else

After the Marriage Ends

Divorce is rarely the end of anyone's romantic story. Most divorced people go on to form new relationships, and many remarry. According to census data, about half of divorced people marry again within 5 years, and the rate is even higher for younger divorcees (Gurrentz & Mayol-García, 2021).

For many people, divorce means returning to a dating and sexual world that may have changed dramatically from what they remember. A newly single adult in their forties, fifties, or beyond often encounters a landscape transformed by dating apps and shifting expectations. They must rebuild sexual confidence and, frequently, revisit safer-sex practices that faded into the background during a long marriage. This transition can feel daunting. But many people describe it as a period of genuine rediscovery — a chance to explore their sexuality with the self-knowledge and clarity about what they want that age and experience tend to bring.

A blended family formed after a remarriage, including children from previous relationships. — **Figure 11.20.** Remarriage often means blending two households and any children from previous relationships — added complexity that helps explain why second and later marriages face a higher divorce risk.

Remarriage also tends to be more complicated than a first marriage, which is part of why later marriages face a greater likelihood of divorce. Second marriages often involve children from previous relationships, ongoing financial obligations, and the work of blending two established households (Taibbi, 2024). Rates of divorce for second marriages hover around 60–70%, with divorce rates increasing further for any marriages beyond that (Zahler, 2023). None of this makes remarriage hopeless. It does mean that couples entering a second marriage tend to benefit from realistic expectations and strong communication from the start.

Multiple Choice

Someone confidently states, "Half of all marriages end in divorce, and the rate keeps climbing." Which correction best fits the evidence?

AThe claim is exactly right on both counts

BThe rate is closer to 40 percent for first marriages, and it has in fact been declining since about 1980

CDivorce is now virtually unheard of in the United States

DThe divorce rate is rising, but only because people marry later

11.5 Sexuality and Aging

Ask a room of young adults to picture the sex life of a 75-year-old and you will often get uncomfortable laughter. The common stereotype is that sex belongs to the young and that seniors are mostly sexless beings. The evidence says otherwise. Sexuality changes with age, but for many people it does not end. In fact, sexual satisfaction can remain high well into our senior years.

The Body Changes

Aging brings physical changes to sexual response and they differ somewhat by sex. For women, the central event is menopausei — the permanent end of menstruation, usually in the late forties or fifties, marked by a sharp drop in the hormone estrogen. Lower estrogen thins the vaginal tissues and reduces natural lubrication, which can make intercourse uncomfortable without added lubricant, and arousal may build more slowly than it once did. For men, changes tend to be gradual rather than sudden: erections may take longer to achieve, require more direct stimulation, and be somewhat less firm, and the refractory periodi grows longer with age. Testosterone declines slowly over the decades as well. Erectile difficulties become more common with age; by their forties a meaningful share of men experience some degree of erectile difficulty, and the likelihood rises with each decade thereafter (Feldman et al., 1994).

Illustration comparing the hormonal changes of menopause in women and gradual testosterone decline in men. — **Figure 11.21.** Aging affects sexual response differently by sex: women experience the relatively abrupt hormonal change of menopause, while men undergo a slower, more gradual decline in testosterone.

None of these changes mean the end of a satisfying sex life. They mean that sex in later life often works best when partners adapt. This can include allowing more time for foreplay, using lubricant, focusing on a broader range of touch and intimacy rather than intercourse alone, and, where helpful, using medical treatments now widely available for problems like erectile difficulty.

Multiple Choice

A 58-year-old woman notices that since menopause, intercourse has become less comfortable and arousal takes longer than it used to. Which explanation and response best fit the biology described in this chapter?

AThis is abnormal and means she can no longer have a satisfying sex life

BLower estrogen after menopause thins the vaginal tissues and reduces lubrication; using lubricant and allowing more time for arousal can make sex comfortable again

CMenopause has no effect on sexual response

DOnly psychological factors, never physical ones, change after menopause

Sex Among Older Adults

Most adults in their late 50s and early 60s remain sexually active, as are a sizeable minority of people in their 70s (Lindau et al., 2007). Studies of seniors find that more than half of men and nearly a third of women over 70 reported still being sexually active (Lee et al., 2016). About a third of those active older adults were having sex at least twice a month, which is on par with most middle-aged adults.

An older couple sharing an affectionate, romantic moment together. — **Figure 11.22.** Contrary to the stereotype of sexless seniors, many older adults remain sexually active, and emotional intimacy often deepens with age even as the frequency of sex declines.

Health, and having a willing and able partner, matter more to older adults' sex lives than age itself. For many older women in particular, the limiting factor is not desire or ability but the absence of a partner, since women tend to outlive men. Emotional intimacy often deepens with age even as the frequency of sex declines, so that many older couples describe their sexual relationship as more satisfying than in their younger years, even if they're having less sex.

Older couples also tend to broaden what counts as sex. As intercourse becomes less central for some — whether because of physical changes, health conditions, or simple preference — many couples put more emphasis on other forms of physical intimacy, such as touching, oral and manual stimulation, or simply lying close together. Far from a consolation prize, this shift often reflects a mature understanding that sexual satisfaction is about connection and pleasure in its many forms, rather than centered around a single act. Psychologically, a lifetime of experience can work in older adults' favor. Many report feeling more comfortable in their bodies, more secure with a long-term partner, and freer from the performance worries and pregnancy concerns that preoccupy younger people.

An older couple embracing intimately in bed. — **Figure 11.23.** Many older adults report that a lifetime of experience makes sex more satisfying, not less — freer from performance anxiety and pregnancy worries, and grounded in the security of a long-term partner.

Attitudes are shifting too, if slowly. The generations now entering later life came of age during times of relative sexual openness, and they are less inclined than their predecessors to accept the idea that desire should switch off at a certain age. Recognizing older adults as sexual beings — with the same needs for intimacy, pleasure, and connection as anyone else — is increasingly seen as part of treating them with dignity.

Multiple Choice

A 72-year-old man tells his doctor he assumes his sex life is simply over because of his age. Based on the research, what is the most accurate thing the doctor could say?

AHe is right; almost no one remains sexually active past 70

BMany people his age remain sexually active, and with some adaptations — more time, lubricant, and treatment when needed — a satisfying sex life is very possible

CSexual desire and activity are exactly the same at 72 as at 22, with no changes to expect

DOnly women remain sexually active into their seventies

Study Guide

After reading Chapter 11, you should be able to answer each of the questions below. Use your own words where possible, and support your answers with examples or evidence from the text.

11.1 Sexuality in Young Adulthood

What is emerging adulthood, and how does this life stage shape the sexual exploration of people in their late teens and twenties?
Describe the "sex recession" among young adults: what the data show, and what combination of factors researchers believe is driving the decline. Why is it also difficult for researchers to state exactly how much sex young people are having?
Define hooking up and explain what the research shows about how people feel afterward. Why does motivation matter so much to the emotional outcome of a hookup?
What is the orgasm gap, and how does the context of a sexual encounter (casual versus committed) relate to it?
Describe a friends-with-benefits arrangement and the "rules" that often accompany it. What does the research reveal about how men and women tend to differ in what they want from these relationships?
What are the benefits and downsides of dating apps according to the research? Describe the specific patterns of harassment that young women report experiencing.

11.2 Coupling, Cohabitation, and Marriage

In what ways has marriage in the United States changed over recent decades in terms of timing and frequency? What reasons do young adults give for marrying later?
What is singlism, and why do some researchers argue it deserves to be questioned?
Define cohabitation and summarize the evidence on whether living together before marriage raises the risk of divorce. How do the reasons for moving in together, and a couple's age, change what researchers conclude? Explain the idea of "sliding versus deciding."

11.3 Sex in Long-Term Relationships

Describe the typical trajectory of marital satisfaction and sexual frequency over the course of a long relationship. About when does the early "honeymoon" period tend to fade?
What is sexual habituation, and how does the Coolidge effect illustrate it? Explain how this pattern shows up in both animals and humans.
According to the research, what do couples who maintain a satisfying long-term sex life tend to do differently? Connect these strategies to the idea of novelty.
Explain how having children tends to affect marital satisfaction and sexual frequency, and why. Then explain the difference between a happy life and a meaningful life as it applies to parenting.

11.4 Divorce and Remarriage

How common is divorce in the United States, and in what direction has the divorce rate been moving? What are the most commonly reported reasons that marriages end?
Explain the "red-state divorce paradox." Why is divorce more common in more conservative regions, according to the chapter?
What tends to happen after a marriage ends? Describe the patterns in remarriage, including how the divorce risk of second and later marriages compares with that of first marriages, and the explanation researchers offer.

11.5 Sexuality and Aging

Describe the main physical changes in sexual response that come with aging for women and for men. How can couples adapt to these changes?
What does the evidence show about how sexually active older adults are? Identify the factors that most strongly shape an older person's sex life, and explain why emotional intimacy is relevant to the discussion.

Key Terms

Cohabitation: An unmarried couple living together in a romantic, sexually intimate relationship. It has become a common step before, or instead of, marriage.
Coolidge effect: The renewal of sexual interest, seen in many animal species and in humans, when a new sexual partner is introduced, even after an individual seems sexually satisfied with a current partner.
Emerging adulthood: The developmental stage from roughly the late teens through the mid-twenties, when a person is no longer an adolescent but has not yet fully taken on adult roles such as a stable career, marriage, or children. It is often a period of identity and sexual exploration.
Friends-with-benefits: An ongoing sexual relationship between two people who are friends but not romantic partners, and who agree to keep it that way. Partners often want different things from the arrangement.
Hooking up: A sexual encounter, ranging from kissing to intercourse, between people who are not in a romantic relationship and who do not necessarily expect one.
Infidelity: Sexual or romantic involvement with someone other than one's spouse or committed partner, in violation of the couple's agreement about exclusivity. Also called extramarital sex.
Menopause: The permanent end of menstruation, usually in a woman's late forties or fifties, marked by a sharp decline in estrogen that can reduce vaginal lubrication and slow sexual arousal.
Monogamy: Being partnered with only one person at a time. In serial monogamy, a person has one exclusive partner, then another, over the course of life.
Orgasm gap: The finding that women are much less likely than men to reach orgasm during a casual hookup, a gap that narrows considerably when sex occurs within a committed relationship.
Refractory period: The recovery time after orgasm during which a man cannot become aroused enough to ejaculate again. It tends to lengthen with age.
Serial monogamy: A pattern of having one exclusive partner at a time, but a series of such partners over a lifetime, rather than a single lifelong partner.
Sexual habituation: The gradual weakening of sexual arousal and interest that results from repeated exposure to the same partner over time, driven by the fading of novelty rather than by any real loss of attractiveness.
Singlism: The tendency to stereotype and look down on people who are single, treating committed romantic partnership as the only complete or fully adult way to live.
Sliding versus deciding: The idea that couples often move through major relationship transitions, such as moving in together, by drifting into them gradually rather than making a conscious choice, which can build momentum (inertia) that carries them into marriage.

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